Dear Heart on a Healing Journey,
When was the last time you checked in with yourself?
Not a fleeting thought, not a sigh between tasks, but an honest, intentional pause. The kind you offer so freely to others. The kind of presence you hold for your clients, your loved ones, your community. But what about you?
We send messages all day long. "How are you doing?" "Thinking of you." "What do you need right now?" But rarely do we send those messages inward. Rarely do we stop and ask ourselves those same tender questions. And yet, we need them too. Maybe even more than we realize.
There is something powerful about imagining yourself as your own best friend. Your inner witness. What if you took out your phone and sent yourself a message the way you would to someone you love? Maybe it would say," Hey, how are you holding up today?" or "I know it has been a lot lately. What do you need? "It may sound awkward, but try it. What comes up might surprise you.
Most of us were never taught to do this. We were taught to be productive, to keep going, to tend to the outside world before tending to the one within. But over time, that creates distance. Disconnection. A life that looks fine on the outside but feels hollow on the inside. That is why self-check-ins are essential, not as a luxury, but as a lifeline.
I remember a client, let us call her Mia, who came to therapy feeling numb, exhausted, and disconnected from her own life. She had spent years pouring into her career, her family, and her partner, always showing up with a smile. But underneath, she was unravelling. When I gently asked how often she checked in with her own needs, she looked surprised. I do not, she admitted. I do not even know what I need anymore.
We started simple. One intentional pause in the morning, just a few quiet breaths and a question. How am I today? She began noticing the tightness in her chest, the lump in her throat, the waves of sadness she had pushed down for years. And rather than rushing to fix it or push it away, she started to listen. Over time, that one question began changing everything. She started saying no without guilt. She asked for help. She left a toxic job. And one day, she told me, I am finally living my life from the inside out.
That is the power of checking in with yourself. You begin to remember who you are beneath all the roles and responsibilities. You start responding to life instead of reacting to it. You come home to yourself.
I have found that I need to check in with myself the way I check in with those I care about. I like to do it during my morning walks, before the day takes me in different directions. It is as simple as tuning in and asking, "How do I feel today?" or "Is there something I need to pay attention to? "Some days, the answers are soft. Other days, they are loud. But either way, I listen.
You might find that different times work better for you. Maybe it is while journaling before bed, when the house is quiet. Maybe it is after a therapy session, when your emotional space is already open. Or in the car, or in the shower, or while you are cooking. Moments where your body is busy and your mind has room to breathe.
What matters is that you ask. That you start the conversation. Because when we do not, we begin to lose track of ourselves. We begin to tolerate things that deplete us. We forget to honour what we are feeling. We silence the wisdom within us in favour of the noise outside us.
It does not have to be long or complicated. It just has to be real. A few breaths. A quiet question. A soft reply. And from there, a gentle response. Maybe it is a boundary you need to set, a rest you need to take, a joy you need to pursue, or a sorrow you need to let move through you.
Checking in with yourself is not selfish. It is sacred. You are allowed to tend to your own emotional weather. You are allowed to be the one who cares for you, too.
So maybe today, you take out your phone and text yourself. Or maybe you just close your eyes for a moment and ask, What is true for me right now? And then listen, not with judgment, but with love.
Because the more you return to yourself, the more fully you can show up for everything else.
Yours in healing,
